A drunkard would not give money to sober people. He said they would only eat it, and buy clothes and send their children to school with it.
A friend who cannot at a pinch remember a thing or two that never happened is as bad as one who does not know how to forget.
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
A lawyer's dream of heaven: every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but a little want of knowledge is also a dangerous thing.
A man should be just cultured enough to be able to look with suspicion upon culture at first, not second hand.
A man's friendships are, like his will, invalidated by marriage - but they are also no less invalidated by the marriage of his friends.
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct.
A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing.
A skilful leech is better far, than half a hundred men of war.
A virtue to be serviceable must, like gold, be alloyed with some commoner, but more durable alloy.
Academic and aristocratic people live in such an uncommon atmosphere that common sense can rarely reach them.
All animals, except man, know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it.
All philosophies, if you ride them home, are nonsense, but some are greater nonsense than others.
All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
All truth is not to be told at all times.
An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard one side of the case. God has written all the books.
And so there is no God but has been in the loins of past gods.
Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.
Be virtuous and you will be vicious.
Belief like any other moving body follows the path of least resistance.
Books are like imprisoned souls till someone takes them down from a shelf and frees them.
Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one.
Christ was only crucified once and for a few hours. Think of the hundreds of thousands whom Christ has been crucifying in a quiet way ever since.
Christ: I dislike him very much. Still, I can stand him. What I cannot stand is the wretched band of people whose profession is to hoodwink us about him.
Death is only a larger kind of going abroad.
Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day.
Don't learn to do, but learn in doing. Let your falls not be on a prepared ground, but let them be bona fide falls in the rough and tumble of the world.
Every man's work, whether it be literature, or music or pictures or architecture or anything else, is always a portrait of himself.
Evil is like water, it abounds, is cheap, soon fouls, but runs itself clear of taint.
Faith - you can do very little with it, but you can do nothing without it.
Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself.
For truth is precious and divine, too rich a pearl for carnal swine.
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
From a worldly point of view, there is no mistake so great as that of being always right.
God and the Devil are an effort after specialization and the division of labor.
God as now generally conceived of is only the last witch.
God cannot alter the past, though historians can.
God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.
Half the vices which the world condemns most loudly have seeds of good in them and require moderate use rather than total abstinence.
He has spent his life best who has enjoyed it most. God will take care that we do not enjoy it any more than is good for us.
He that complies against his will is of his own opinion still.
Human life is as evanescent as the morning dew or a flash of lightning.
I do not mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy.
I never knew a writer yet who took the smallest pains with his style and was at the same time readable.
I really do not see much use in exalting the humble and meek; they do not remain humble and meek long when they are exalted.
If God wants us to do a thing, he should make his wishes sufficiently clear. Sensible people will wait till he has done this before paying much attention to him.
If I die prematurely I shall be saved from being bored to death at my own success.
If life must not be taken too seriously, then so neither must death.